the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
