i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
