youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize