M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
