she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
