I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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