I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
