You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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