I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
