Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
