Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have already put on my inside pants.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
