yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
