Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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