So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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