She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
