the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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