yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
