Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
