true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He passed out mid-signature
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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