ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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