How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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