people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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