Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
