shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
