remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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