Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
