this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
