yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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