yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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