If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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