After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
