hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
