So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
