and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
