yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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