after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
