My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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