i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
