You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
