I am puke
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
