You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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