Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
