it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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