I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize