We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
