Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
