god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
