This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
