My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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