Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
