Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're completely useless in the revolution.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
