my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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