I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
