I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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