she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
