We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There r osticjed everywhere
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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