Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
