sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
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If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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