In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
