Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
