That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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