if only i could text you this smell
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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